Lessons Learned in College

For those who doubt the value of a college education, I'd like to share brief snippets from some of the classes I've taken. They provide a mere sampling of the voluminous knowledge I gained in pursuit of my degree. Please feel free to substitute this list for the course catalog if you want to know what is taught in a given class.

Philosophy 2030: Theories of Mind
Captain Kirk is not real.
Fortunately for those who run Star Trek conventions, one must take a philosophy class to learn this.

Physics 1120: Electricity & Magnetism
If a charged particle moves through a B-Field, a force acts upon it.
Apparently, this is true even if there is not a runner on first.

Economics 1030: Business & Economy
Despite his ruinous economic policies, Kim Jong Il still thinks North Korea is a great place to live.
This is largely because Kim Jong Il's economic policies can be summed up as "give your possessions to Kim Jong Il."

Philosophy 3010: History of Modern Philosophy
If God can create existence ex nihilo, he can certainly blink a deer out of existence.
This information is particularly pertinent to those in wildlife management fields.

Astronomy 2030: Black Holes
Hawking Radiation is a major turn-off.
While the mechanism by which black holes radiate energy is fascinating, it is not a suitable topic for a first date. Trust me.

Political Science 4241: Constitutional Law
By the Acts of Congress of Feb. 28^th, 1795, ch.36 (1 Stat. at L., 424), and 3d of March 1807, ch. 39 (1 Stat. at L. 443), [the President] is authorized to call out the militia and use military and naval forces of the United States.
In retrospect, this is obvious. I'm embarrassed that I didn't know it until I took this class.

Philosophy 1440: Introductory Logic
It is fallacious to say, "Given that if JFK was murdered by the CIA, then JFK would be dead, and given that JFK is dead, he must have been murdered by the CIA."
It is shockingly easy to disprove conspiracy theories.

Lessons like these that taught me that the real value of education is not found in the wisdom you gain, but in the diploma you earn.